


Christmas Moments

by Starbird



Series: Bah Humbug [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Cassian Splurges Embarrassingly on Jyn for Christmas, Christmas, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Galen's Not Like a Regular Dad, Santa is a Rockin' Twink, Tumblr Prompt, Visiting Santa Claus, as usual, cassian has no chill, he's a cool dad, snowball fight!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 01:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17214647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbird/pseuds/Starbird
Summary: A collection of festive Tumblr prompt fills for my "Bah Humbug" 'verse, full of holiday cheer!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For an anon:
> 
> Christmas prompt: Jyn likes to eat candy canes while working on her computer and Cassian notices

Jyn is always very laid back when she works on her laptop over at Cassian and Kay’s apartment. Slumped on the sofa, legs sprawled out like she owns the place. Her posture is terrible. Cassian has his own laptop out and is poking at his research, not his first choice of activity over Christmas Break, but Jyn had a new idea and needs to get it down. It’s been like this for a couple days now. Kay outwardly ignores both of them, but is tweeting passive-aggressively about it.

Cassian reaches down to pick up his mug of tea, takes a sip, and leans over the chair again to set it back down. Then he catches sight of Jyn, sucking on a candy cane. She’s got the point in her mouth, index finger looped around the hook, and she’s staring intently at her screen, eyebrows drawn down in concentration. Cassian just watches her, wondering if she knows how much she’s torturing that poor candy cane.

Kay sends a tweet and then says into the silence, “The candy cane represents Jesus, you know.” Jyn raises her eyebrows and slowly looks up at him. “At least, that’s what they taught us in church. I believe it represents consumerism.”

Jyn sucks for another moment, staring at him. Then she withdraws the candy cane from her mouth. “I’ve sharpened this to a point. It is effectively a Christmas shiv, and I will stab you with it.”

_@ThatsKayTuYou Have been #threatened with #bodilyharm by #roommate @cassianjandor’s #girlfriend @jynfuckinerso. Thought she was good #projectpartner but turns out is possible #murderer._

Cassian smiles and retweets it immediately. Jyn studies Kay another moment before shaking her head and returning to her work.

And for the next two hours, every time Kay gets out of line, she slowly pulls the candy cane out of her mouth, shows him the pointed tip, and slides it back between her lips. It’s both a blessing and a curse, because it does two things: shuts Kay up for a decent chunk of time, and turns Cassian on, watching that lucky candy cane getting the candycanejob of its life from his beautiful girlfriend.

Cassian lost track of how many she went through, but he knows exactly what he’s getting her for Christmas.

And exactly what he is going to beg her for tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For an anon:
> 
> Christmas prompt! Jyn and Cassian at the mall in line to meet Santa. And yes they have to sit in Santa’s lap to tell him what they want for Christmas lol

Jyn tapped her index finger against her paper Starbucks cup and craned her neck in a vain attempt to see the front of the line leading to Christmas gold: the man himself, Santa Claus, at least a mile and a half away dead center in the local mall. Cassian sipped at his grande Americano, wishing he’d gotten a venti.

“This is such a terrible idea,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“Quiet,” Jyn hissed, as the three-year-old in front of them burst into tears without any sort of provocation whatsoever. Cassian widened his eyes and stepped back, bumping into the grandma behind him. Three-year-olds freaked him out, and he wanted no part of this drama.

“C’mon, Jyn, we’re too old for this,” he groaned. “What are you going to ask Santa for, a pony?”

“Ponies suck. I want me a fuckin’ Clydesdale.”

The mother in front of them rounded on her with pursed lips.

“Merry Christmas,” Jyn said with a smile. The mom did not look placated.

“Like you could even get up on a Clydesdale,” Cassian said.

“Is that a height joke? Are you making a height joke?”

The line shuffled forward, and the three-year-old finished tantruming for the moment.

Eventually, the line passed within a hundred feet of an Auntie Anne’s Pretzels, and Jyn abruptly left with hardly a “Be right back.” Cassian scowled until he saw her coming back with a pretzel for him, too.

“At this rate,” she said as she chewed, “we’ll be eating dinner here, too.”

“Great idea for a date, Jyn, really,” Cassian said. She elbowed him and dunked her hunk of pretzel into his spicy cheese cup.

Finally it was the three-year-old’s turn, and he turned into a quivering mass once he beheld the glory of Santa with his own eyes. His mom spoke at length about the Elf on the Shelf and how it was reporting back to Santa on the regular.

“So our behavior still needs to be good, right, Bobby? Eddie the Elfie is watching you. We must have good manners, wash our hands after using the potty, dress ourselves, not scream, use our words, share with friends, and listen to our teachers. Santa sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good, and Eddie is part of his elf workforce and tells him every night how you’ve been. Isn’t that right, Santa?”

Santa’s smile was starting to falter, but he did manage a “Ho, ho, ho!” that sounded a little less jovial than before.

“Now, I don’t want to have any more bad behavior, or Santa won’t bring you presents,” the mom continued. “Okay?”

“Are those my presents?” Bobby asked, pointing at the props under the fake tree.

“No, honey. Those are for other children.”

“But _I_ want _my_ presents _now_!” Bobby howled, kicking Santa’s legs with his sneakers each time he emphasized a word. Then he was off, screeching like a pterodactyl and sobbing over the prop presents, grabbing Santa’s hat off his head and throwing it to the ground and crying bloody murder. The photographer handed the mom a piece of paper.

“You can pick your photo up immediately,” he said sympathetically. The mom, close to bursting into tears from the looks of it, took the slip and gathered her miniature banshee into her arms and hauled him bodily away.

“Next,” the elf controlling the line said, looking disturbingly unfazed. Jyn walked right up to Santa and plunked onto his lap.

“What I want for Christmas, Santa,” she said, “is, first off, not that.” She pointed in the direction of the still-wailing toddler. “Three-year-olds are uncultured heathens. I don’t want them around me this holiday season. Second, and most importantly, I would like a nice Christmas where my parents don’t completely embarrass me when I introduce them to my boyfriend.”

Santa chuckled, and then Jyn put on a huge smile for the camera. Cassian turned to walk away, but then Santa said, “Your turn, son! Come see Santa.”

Mortified, Cassian had no choice but to oblige. He hovered near the guy until he laughed again and said, “Santa is an old man, son. You have to sit on his knee for him to hear you!”

Cassian’s face flamed and he lowered himself to gingerly perch on Santa’s thigh.

“Been a long time since Santa has had a good-lookin’ man on his knee,” the man said in an undertone.

 _“What!”_ Cassian sputtered, as Jyn barked a laugh.

“Please. Mrs. Claus is a ruse. All the elves know it.”

“Oh, God…”

Raising his voice, Santa said, “What would you like for Christmas, young man?”

“No awkwardness?” Cassian replied. “No awkwardness, and for my roommate to leave me alone.”

“Ho, ho, ho. I think I can arrange that.” They all turned to smile, and then Jyn and Cassian stood. Santa surreptitiously gave Cassian a firm pat on the ass as he stood. “Merry Christmas, little children.”

As they walked away, Jyn clutched Cassian’s arm and leaned into his chest. “Thank you for doing that with me.”

“Sure,” Cassian said. “I can cross ‘being felt up by Santa’ off my bucket list now.”

Jyn laughed and squeezed his arm tighter. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For [literatiruinedme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/literatiruinedme/pseuds/literatiruinedme/works), who asked for: 
> 
> Sex toys as a Christmas gifttt happy holidays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went a little tamer with this. Hope you like how it turned out!!

Jyn and Cassian had a private Christmas before they met each other’s families. It was quiet, intimate, just them in Jyn’s empty house before her parents flew in to celebrate with her. Kay was with Maeve back at the apartment (!!!!), doing…whatever it was Kay and Maeve did together. Jyn and Cassian had spent all of dinner speculating.

Then they moved on to gifts, and Cassian…well, Cassian went a little overboard, he realized with a flash of bashfulness as he pushed Jyn’s six gifts over to her and she gave him two items. He watched with a smile on his face as she opened the Jo Malone perfume, the earrings, the three-month Wine of the Month Club subscription (plus paired meats and cheeses, and he hoped she’d share), and the other items, her face lighting up with each present she unwrapped.

“Well, now I just feel silly,” she said when she finished, motioning to the gifts she’d bought him. “They’re not much.”

 _I probably love you and I don’t care,_ he thought.

“No problem,” he said, before hastily trying to course-correct. “No, no, I mean, that’s not what it’s about. I mean…you _should_ get all the gifts,” he finished quietly. His eyes had slid away from hers as he’d babbled, and when he looked up again, she was smiling softly at him. He gave her a smile in return. “I’ll open mine now.”

He picked up the small rectangular gift and (politely) ripped apart the Grinch wrapping paper. What it revealed made him grin.

“You got me an Apple Watch,” he said. “And you think it’s _not much_.”

“Well, it’s the Series 3, not the 4,” Jyn said. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, it’s terrific,” Cassian replied, meaning it. “Thank you.”

She nodded at the other gift. “We can set it up later. Open that one. _That_ one I want to play with now.”

Curiosity piqued, Cassian tore open the wrapping on the other gift. It covered a hinged metal box the size and thickness of a small DVD boxed set. The cardboard packaging securing it read THE CONDOM VAULT. Cassian cut his eyes to Jyn, but she was looking eagerly at the tin, not at him.

“Open it!” she urged.

So Cassian did (with some apprehension), separating the cardboard and getting out his car keys to cut through the tape. When he lifted the lid, he snorted.

Inside were dozens of condoms of various colors, flavors, textures, brands, and functions. He sifted through them, trying not to laugh when he saw a glow-in-the-dark one or ridiculous artwork featuring cherries.

“Why…?” he finally asked, unable to control his laughter. “Is my condom collection not suitable for you? Or sufficient? How much sex do you plan on having with me, exactly?”

Jyn arched a brow. “That’s a lot of questions for a man who just received fifty premium condoms from his smokin’-hot girlfriend who loves jumping in the sack with him.”

Cassian laughed again and gathered her in his arms. “I’m sorry. I love it. It’s very thoughtful, Jyn.” He kissed her on top of her head.

“Yes, well,” she said as she pulled away. “I thought you needed more variety. I don’t care for your brand. It doesn’t suit me.”

Cassian leaned forward and kissed her lips. _I love you._ Reaching blindly inside the tin, he pulled a condom out. “Let’s see what we’ve got here… ‘Hot Stuff Baby Tonight.’ Warming lubricant.” He shrugged. “I’m a fan. Want to give it a go?”

Jyn threw her arms around him and kissed him again, stronger this time. “Light me on fire, Cassian,” she murmured.

He ran his hands up her sides, body already tingling with excitement for the evening that lay ahead. “Light it up.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For an anon:
> 
> One snowball turns into snowball fight which turns into all out war (rebelcaptain)

_Smack._

It was immature, but Cassian had gotten fed up with waiting for Jyn to arrive at his apartment that evening and had gone outside to stew after half an hour had gone by. Once she was thirty-five minutes late and had texted that she was on her way, he waited the next ten minutes in the dead bushes planning his revenge. (He was a real stickler for punctuality. Kay appreciated it and let other things slide sometimes because of it.)

By the time Jyn finally showed up, forty-five minutes late total, Cassian had worked out a plan. The snowball exploded very satisfyingly on her right shoulder. She whipped around, gasping, as Cassian emerged laughing from the bushes.

“What the hell!” she yelled.

“You were so late!” he said as he came up to her. “I got sick of – ”

But he broke off as she dropped down and began scooping snow furiously into a densely packed ball. He quickly backpedaled, hands up in surrender.

“Whoa, it’s no big deal. Just be on time next – ”

_SMACK!_

The snowball hit him dead center below his throat. She had one hell of an arm.

“Oh, yeah?” Cassian said, pressing his lips together. “ _That’s_ how you’re going to respond?”

“Yeah!” Jyn fired back, hands on her fists as she stood her ground. “You waited all this time to meet a girl as wonderful as me. Forty-five extra minutes wouldn’t have killed you! You could have caught up on your research!”

“For your information,” he said as he bent and began packing another snowball, “I’m _not_ behind. I’m _ahead_.” He stood and lobbed it at her, but she’d already darted out of the way. She found cover behind a skinny tree, but Cassian managed to get another snowball fired off before she put her own together. She laughed and fired back. Third graders walking home from school, puffed up like penguins in their winter gear, gave them judgy looks and wide berths. Within ten minutes they had the entire front lawn of the apartment building torn up from packing snowballs and their footsteps.

Suddenly, the door to the building flew open. “What is the meaning of this?!” Kay demanded. “I’m trying to tweak the voltage on my overclock in peace, and you both are causing a ruckus! You’re probably the reason it keeps crashing!”

Jyn and Cassian glanced at each, grinned, and threw both of their snowballs as hard as they could at Kay.

The snow hit its target dead on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For an anon:
> 
> Drinking hot chocolate and watching a christmas movie in a pillow fort ✌️

“With or without peppermint schnapps?” Jyn called from the kitchen.

“With,” Cassian replied. “I prefer a three-to-one ratio.”

“Schnapps to hot chocolate?”

“Correct.”

Jyn chuckled and brought the mugs over. When she set them on the coffee table, Cassian leaned forward to take his and blew over the top of it. Jyn, meanwhile, was dragging all the blankets off the back of the sofa and making a little nest.

“Be better with pillows,” Cassian commented, only half-serious. But Jyn nodded like he’d said something truly worth thinking about.

“Good idea,” she said, and left to head down the hallway to the bedrooms. She came back a moment later dragging the two fluffy pillows off his bed along with his thick comforter.

“What are you…?”

But she didn’t answer, just dumped everything half on top of Cassian.

“Help me,” she said. He watched for a few moments as she started arranging the pillows and blankets.

“Ah,” he said once understanding dawned. “Pillow fort.”

Jyn nodded. “Indeed.”

A few minutes’ work was all it took before they had a cozy nest. They climbed in, got comfortable, and grabbed their drinks. Cassian started the movie – _Elf_ , of course – and Jyn snuggled into him right away. It was cozy, sweet, relaxing, and after finishing his hot chocolate, he tried to make a move, but Jyn swatted him away and hissed that she _wanted to watch the movie!_

 _“I only watch this once a year, Cassian,”_ she said as she glowered at him. “You can get laid year-round.”

There were worse things than that, Cassian thought as he put his arm around her and pulled her close. Jyn was, in essence, promising him in a future, and it made him warmer than all the hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps in his belly.

Even better, once again, Buddy saved Christmas, just like he did every single year.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For an anon:
> 
> jyn/cassian “Your mom is coming over for Christmas and I’m trying my best to impress her but now the Christmas cookies are on fire and you’re tipsy from the eggnog I made for later” lmao

“Cassian. Out of the eggnog.”

Cassian looks up guiltily from pouring his second glass. They’re small glasses, but Jyn made the concoction strong.

“It’s for later,” she says patiently.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “But your parents are going to be here in ten minutes, and it’s the first time I’m meeting them.”

“Relax.” She settles her palm against his cheek and kisses him on the lips. “You’re going to be fine. You taste like rum.”

“Good rum.”

“Mm.” She runs her tongue along his lips, and he shifts, adjusting to her, getting comfortable.

But then she pulls away. “Not now, bad boy. Parents coming over, remember?”

Cassian growls in protest as she shoves a pan of Pillsbury Christmas tree cookies into the preheated oven. He’s just taking a drink from his refilled glass when the doorbell rings. He splutters, and Jyn raises her hands to ward off spray droplets, smiling at his nervousness.

“You’ll be fine,” she says again as she hands him a towel, then turns and goes down the hall to answer the door.

“Jyn!” her mother exclaims when she opens the door. “Oh, it is so good to see you. We’ve missed you so much!”

“Stardust!” comes her father’s voice, and Cassian gulps down another drink, feeling it unfurl warm and tingly in his stomach.

“Invite us in! It’s freezing out here. We don’t want to stand here all night.”

“Chill out, Mum,” Jyn says. Cassian emerges from the kitchen into the living room, where the Ersos are shucking off jackets and other winter gear. Mrs. Erso is the first to see him. She gives him a warm smile.

“Ah, and you must be _Cassian_ ,” she says, emphasizing his name like it’s special or something.

“Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Erso,” he says as he holds out his hand.

“Please, call me Lyra.” She takes his hand and glances at the half-full eggnog glass in his hand. “I fancy a glass myself. Mind?”

“Not at all. Mr. Erso?”

“No, thanks,” he says. “Don’t need to put on more weight.”

“Dad…” Jyn says.

Cassian goes back to the kitchen and finishes his eggnog before getting down a glass for Mrs. Erso  and pouring the thick liquid into it. Something sharp bites the air, and he wonders at the smell. Something is burning. He curses to himself when he remembers Jyn’s cookies and starts yanking open drawers, looking for oven mitts. Finally he finds a ratty old pair and pulls the brown-black bricks out of the oven.

“Jyn?” he calls.

She comes in, and he can’t believe he’s sweating _already_. “What’s up?”

“The cookies are burnt!” he says in a low voice.

“It is not the scandal you think it is!” she replies in the same tone. “How much eggnog did you have?”

“Not that much!”

Jyn rolls her eyes and picks up the crudité platter. “Just…try to stay out of trouble.”

“I will,” he mutters, traipsing after her with Mrs. Erso’s drink.

Once they’re settled in the living room, the Ersos start talking to him. He wishes they wouldn’t.

“So, Cassian,” Mrs. Erso says. “Jyn tells us you’re getting a master’s in conflict studies.”

“Yes!” he says overenthusiastically. “It’s a fascinating area of study.”

“Mm.” She nods and takes a sip. Cassian hopes she won’t ask anything more about it, because it’s not exactly the greatest social conversation, and he knows he’ll bore the hell out of her with it.

“It sounds like you have done very well for yourself.”

“I think so?” It comes out less than impressive. “I mean, I did well in undergrad, top of my class, and am doing well with my research here. Like I publish and stuff. With my advisor. You know.” He cringes internally at how _bad_ he sounds.

Luckily, Mr. Erso comes to his rescue. “Well, I think you’ve terrified the kid, Lyra,” he says, slapping his hands on his knees and standing. “C’mon, Andor, let’s go get some whisky.”

Cassian glances at Jyn, who’s looking up at her father.

“I don’t…have any whisky, Dad,” she says.

“Oh, Stardust, nonsense,” he replies. “You’ve been hiding it in your underwear drawer since you were sixteen.”

“You looked in my _underwear_ drawer?!”

“I’ve never seen her underwear drawer,” Cassian informs them, but Lyra just gives him an unpleasant look.

“Neither has any other boy,” Mr. Erso says as he shuffles Jyn off toward the stairs. “Go on, Stardust. The good stuff, not that Canadian Mist crap you tried to pass off on me last time I visited. Crown, honey.”

Jyn gives him a glare, but she goes willingly, leaving Cassian stuck in the living room with her parents. Mr. Erso turns back to him.

“So,” he says, “want to hear about _my_ research?”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [tumblr](https://thestarbirdfromtheashes.tumblr.com) for updates on my WIPs and lots of RebelCaptain content!!
> 
> If you like my work, I hope you’ll [subscribe to me as an author](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbird)!


End file.
